Human Emotional Needs

I would like to
share a powerful insight that I have used to help thousands of
people to understand themselves, create breakthrough changes in
their behaviours (e.g. stop smoking, quit other addictions, resolve
internal conflicts, motivate themselves) and reconcile relationship
issues.

Have you wondered why it is seems so difficult to change our
habitual behaviours? The reason is because our decisions and
behaviours are driven by our emotions more than by our logic.
Logically, we want to stop smoking or stop overeating, and yet, we
still find ourselves repeating the pattern of behaviours. Why do we
do this? It is because smoking and over eating meets our emotional
needs.

At the same time, we all logically want to have a great
relationship with our spouse or friends. And yet, we sometimes find
ourselves getting into the same patterns of arguments and
conflicts. Again, this is all caused by a mismatch of emotional
needs between well-intentioned parties.

To change any kind of behaviour, you must first understand that as
human beings, our decisions and actions are almost ALWAYS driven by
the need to meet six human (emotional) needs. This is why we
sometimes do things that don't make any sense at all. We do it
simply to meet these 6 human needs (by the way, this was developed
by Anthony Robbins). So, what are these 6 human needs?


Human Need 1: Certainty

The first human need is the need for CERTAINTY. We all need to feel
a sense of security that things will be okay. Certainty gives us
peace of mind and assurance.

Although we all have the need for CERTAINTY, we use different
behavioural strategies to meet this need. For example, when you
feel stressed, worried, unsure and uncertain, how do you meet your
need for certainty?

Some people use destructive strategies like over-eating, smoking or
drinking alcohol. Don't some people do these things to relieve the
stress of uncertainty and get into certainty? Others get certainty
by controlling other people (becoming a control freak) or by losing
their temper. In one episode of Oprah, she interviewed a woman who
handled her stress of being sexually abused by creating a multiple
personality disorder.

At the same time, there are useful strategies to get certainty.
Some people pray/use religion to get that sense of certainty. Some
people, adopt empowering beliefs like, ' I know I will get through
this' or 'everything happens for a reason' or they simply have
faith in themselves. Others get certainty through exercise,
meditation or confiding in a friend.

So, think about this? How DO you meet your need for certainty? Is
it constructive or destructive to you?


Human Need 2: Uncertainty


Now, here is the big paradox! As human beings, we have a second
emotional need that is in direct conflict with our first need. We
all have a need for UNCERTAINTY!

Think about it. If you had absolute 100% certainty in your life
where you knew exactly what was going to happen, when it was going
to happen, how it happens, before it happens every single day, how
will you feel? You will feel BORED TO DEATH. This is why there are
multi millionaires who have all the money and all the possessions
in the world, but are depressed! Their life is so certain that they
have no more challenges or surprises. No more uncertainty!

This is also why a woman/man in a perfect marriage where everything
is routine and predictable will eventually get so bored, that they
will unconsciously start picking a fight, having an affair or leave
the marriage. There is no more excitement and stimulation that we
all need emotionally.

So, how do people meet the emotional need of uncertainty (i.e.
challenge/surprise/variety) in their lives? Again, some people do
destructive things like having an affair, starting arguments,
picking up one-night stands, taking drugs, smoking when bored and
drinking to get high (yup, smoking and drinking offer both
certainty AND uncertainty).

Some of us do neutral stuff like watching a movie, playing sports,
changing jobs, making new friends or partying. This gives us the
stimulation and variety we all need.

Some constructive strategies would include taking on new challenges
(e.g. going mountain climbing, traveling, starting a business,
writing a book). So think about it, how do you meet your need for
uncertainty?


Human Need 3: Significance


The third human emotional need is the need to feel
significant/special/unique/important/needed. We all hunger for this
need and again pursue it in different ways.

Some people feel significant by attaining qualifications (e.g.
MBAs, PhDs etc..), achieving success, buying lots of toys (e.g.
bigger house, bigger car, country club, Rolex watch etc...) or
pursuing status symbols.

Others get significance by putting other people down, dressing in a
unique way or tattooing every conceivable part of their body.
Again, others feel significance by having children (and making sure
they excel and do them proud) or flaunting their wealth. Some
people get significance by being proud of certain identities they
adopt like being a Christian, a Muslim, an Army Officer, a
Vegetarian etc...

Many people have asked me why I continue to work so hard to write
so many books, spend hours writing posts on my BLOG and speak at so
many seminars when I clearly don't really need the money anymore.
The answer is that I am driven to all these things because it makes
me feel significant (useful, special, needed) and provides me the
uncertainty (challenge & variety) that I crave. It also, gives me
the 4th human need, connection and love and the 6th human need,
contribution.

Again, think about how YOU meet the need to feel significance


Human Need 4: Love and Connection


The 4th human need is in direct conflict with the 3rd human need of
SIGNIFICANCE. Think about this. If you felt TOTALLY significant
where you were so unique, so special and so different from all the
people around you. Would you be happy? No! You would feel
disconnected from the people around you.

One of our strongest needs as humans in the need to be accepted, to
be loved and connected to the people around us. Once we become so
special and unique, we will start to find ourselves losing that
connection to our peers. I can tell you that I feel that way
sometimes myself. At times I find it difficult to really be myself,
connect with people I meet because people keep expecting me to be
this perfect guru, with all the answers.

Have you ever wondered why a superstar like Britney Spears with all
the fame, money and talent in the world could end up screwing up
her life by engaging in destructive behaviours like drink driving,
drug taking that would lead to 2 divorces, losing custody of her
children and ending up in a mental institution? My guess is that
although she felt total significance, she felt unloved and
disconnected from everyone around her.

She probably could not be herself, always having to put up a front
and feeling that all the people around her were just using her. Her
need for connection and love probably drove her to mix around with
the wrong company (i.e. Paris Hilton) and engaging in destructive
behaviours that would get her the love/connection and sympathy she
was lacking.

We all need to feel love and connection and again get it through
different means. Some people get connection by getting into a
relationship, getting married, making love, joining clubs, playing
with their children, having pets, prayer (connection to God) or
hanging out with friends.

Sometimes, people even 'try' to get love and connection by
self-abuse and falling sick (studies show 90% of all illnesses are
psychosomatic). This gives them the sudden outpour of sympathy and
love that they yearn for. How do you get love and connection in
your life?

If Your Relationship is Not Happy, Here's Why...

I have found after working with many couples that whenever a
marriage breaks down, it is always because partners are not meeting
each others emotional needs.

A man (or woman) often wants to leave the marriage either because
he/she no longer feels significant, loved, certainty or uncertainty
by his/her partner. What is a very very common scenario is that
after a couple has a child, the man no longer feels the same level
of significance anymore. It seems that his wife spends all the time
with the kids, that he is no longer important. So what happens? He
rather spend his time in the office where he feels more significant
or find a girlfriend who makes him feel special again!

So, here is a point of reflection. How well are you meeting your
partner's emotional needs?

If Your Staff Are Leaving Your Company, Here's Why...

As a boss of my own company and a person who trains other companies
in bringing put the best in their employees, I have found that your
staff will only be happy and motivated to give their best when they
feel significant (they are praised often and recognized), certainty
(sense of security of their future in the company), uncertainty
(their jobs gives them variety and challenge) as well as connection
(they love the people they work with and have a sense of belonging).

Similarly, people leave a company not only for monetary reasons.
They leave when they feel a lack of security (certainty), lack of
challenge (uncertainty), lack of connection (they hate the people)
or a lack of significance (unappreciated).

Reflection: if you are a boss/team leader, are you meeting your
staff's/colleagues emotional needs to bring out the best in them?

If You Have An Addiction that You Cannot Change, Here's Why...

Finally, I have found that if you have a negative behaviour that
you find hard to change, it is only because it is being used to
meet two or more of your emotional needs. For example, if you find
yourself constantly losing your temper, it is because it gives you
a sense of significance and certainty.

If you find it difficult to stop smoking, it is probably it meets
your needs for certainty (relaxes and de-stresses you), uncertainty
(smoke when you feel bored), connection (especially if you smoke
with friends to 'fit in') and significance (makes you look 'cool').
Often, when a behaviour meets more than 2 needs, it becomes an
ADDICTION.

In my patterns of excellence programs, I show people how to break
limiting patterns of behaviours by first finding an alternative way
to meet their needs. If you do not find a new useful alternative
behaviour to replace it, you will find yourself going back to the
old habit/addiction.


The Last Two Human Needs: Growth and Contribution

You are probably wondering what the last two human emotional needs
are. Understand that the first four needs MUST be met by us
constantly. It is what drives our daily behaviours.

However, to be truly fulfilled and happy, we need to meet the last
two needs of 'growth' and 'contribution'. We need to constantly
grow by learning more and challenging ourselves to become better.
The moment we stop growing, we start dying emotionally.

Finally, we all need to contribute beyond ourselves, This is why
people like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett make all the money in the
world only to give most of it away to charity. contribution is what
gives us ultimate purpose and fulfillment in life.

To your success,
Edward Freedom

Weight Loss

By Dr. Edward F. Group III, DC, ND, DACBN


Did you know that more than half of your body weight is made up of water? And did you further know that drinking adequate amounts of water each day can help you become leaner, healthier, and more energetic? Water is all around us and it’s quite possibly nature’s true miracle resource. Here’s a closer look at what water can do for you.


Prevention: Drinking purified water keeps the body healthy and it helps prevent such conditions as acne, lower back pain, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, depression, headaches, migraines, asthma, gastrointestinal disorders, allergies, colitis, rheumatoid arthritis, hypertension, high cholesterol, muscle pain, joint pain, bloating, constipation, ulcers, malaise, and stomach pain.


Regulation: Water plays an enormous role in the functioning of the body. Every enzymatic and chemical reaction in the body occurs with the help of water. Water also transports hormones, nutrients, oxygen and antibodies through the system. It regulates our body temperature, helps us maintain muscle tone, and protect tissues, organs and joints from shock and damage.


Cleansing: Water helps to keep the gastrointestinal system running smoothly. It assists in the digestion and absorption of food, and in transporting oxygen and nutrients to the cells. Drinking adequate amounts of water removes toxins and wastes from your system, reduces your risk of developing kidney stones, and is extremely beneficial for weight loss.


The Relationship between Water and Weight Loss
Water is fat free, calorie free, and cholesterol free. It’s also a natural appetite suppressant. When you drink all the water you need, you will very quickly notice a decrease in your appetite. Water is critical in the functioning of the digestive system, keeping waste and nutrients moving through the body. In fact, clinical studies show that a low consumption of water allows fat to be deposited in the body rather than burned for energy. Therefore, the key to water and weight loss is the more water you drink the more fat you will burn.


Water also helps you achieve a proper muscle contraction so that the working muscle can be used efficiently. This helps promote lean muscle mass.


When, How and How Much to Drink
Health experts recommend that each of us drink at least eight 8-ounce glasses of water every day. This may seem like a huge amount, but it actually adds up to about two quarts of water. Moreover, remember, this amount is the minimum requirement. For water and weight loss you should drink another eight ounces for every 25 pounds of excess weight you carry. In addition, if you live in a very hot climate or if you exercise intensely you should consider drinking even more.


However, don't try to drink all of this water at once, as this will simply overload your kidneys and keep you running to the bathroom. Instead, you should spread out your water consumption throughout the day. If possible, aim to set aside three or four times a day when you can drink a large (8-ounce) glass of water, and then be sure to sip in between for the rest of the day. If you feel thirsty, you are already at the point of becoming dehydrated. Try to drink water before you reach this point. In addition, it’s a good idea to stop drinking water about three hours before you go to bed to keep you from running to the bathroom all night.


Water and Weight Loss Alternatives
Not everyone enjoys the taste (or lack thereof) of water. In addition, if you do not like to drink water it is going to be difficult to try to drink so much of it each day. You can certainly drink other fluids to help hydrate your body, but be careful of those that will add extra calories, sugar, and additives to your diet. Your best bet is to try adding a slice of lemon or lime to your water.


Moreover, if you want to enjoy the benefits of water and weight loss without drinking huge amounts of it each day, consider adding Slimirex™ to your diet.


About the Author
Dr. Edward F. Group III continues to develop, sell and evaluate exclusively high-end natural and organic healthcare products to support a wide range of health conditions. The products we promote are free of toxic tag-along herbicides, insecticides, pesticides, heavy metals, fumigants, irradiation, liver-toxic glues, binders, or gelatin capsules with animal-source risk and toxic preservatives.


For all of your weight loss and obesity needs, natural remedies, “Ten Super Secrets to Weight Loss eBook,” tips, products, support forums and more please visit us at www.weightlossobesity.com or www.slimirex.com.

FACTS ABOUT SEPTEMBER 11, 2001.

TERRORIST ATTACK ON WORLD TRADE CENTRE TWIN TOWER BUILDINGS NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK.


The tragedy struck on date 9th 11- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 9+1 +1=11
September, 11 was the 254th day of the year - - - - - - - - - - - - 2+5+4=11
The Airplane that struck the north tower was Flight No.-------------- 11
That Airplane has 92 people on board - - - - ------------------------9+2=11
The Airplane that hit the south tower had 65 passengers - - - - 6+5=11
The twin tower has the look of number - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 11
In English, the expression “New York City” has - - - - - - - - - 11 letters.

IS THERE ACURSE IN THE KENNEDY’S FAMILY

Untimely death and tragedies stake some families like a Psycho Serial Killer!
The Kennedy family in America is known for the tragic and untimely death of their sons that was stunned by the cover headline of the international news magazine NEWSWEEK (January 12th 1998 edition) “the KENNEDY’S CURSE”. The cover story was about the untimely and tragic death of Michael Kennedy. The magazine report that “Most Americans, hearing the news that Bobby’s star-crossed son Michael had died in skinning accident on new year eve, may have felt that there is a curse on the house of Kennedy…. .When John Kennedy was assassinated in November 1960, his brother Robert spent a sleepless night in the Lincoln bedroom. A friend walking past his door had RFK cry out “why God?” trying to make sense of Dallas, Bobby began reading the ancient Greeks, especially Aeschylus and Sophocles. He read and re-read the sagas of Greek gods and mortals where pride led them to tempt fate. He identified particularly with Agamemnon; the great warrior who was hot blooded. It seemed as if he could feel personally the curse on the house of ATREUS”.
From investigations with the tragic and untimely deaths of the Kennedy’s you will be amazed at the manner of tragedies that befell the family.

Þ Rosemary, the first daughter of the family was mentally defective. She has been living in a special home for the handicapped since 1941; she is now above 80 years.

Þ Kathleen the second daughter of the family married an English man, William Marqueens in 1944. That same year her husband was killed during the Allied invasion of Normandy. In 1948 Kathleen died in a plane crash! Joseph Patrick Jnr. The first son of the family died at the age of 39 in 1944 during the Second World War.

Þ John Fitzgerald Kennedy (JFK) was the most famous son of the family. He was elected the president of United State of America. The youngest man and the first Roman Catholic to be elected president of America. Unfortunately his presidency lasted for 1,037 days. Lee Harvey Osward assassinated him on November 22nd 1960 by 12:30pm! He died at the age of fourthy six!

Þ JFK’s younger brother, Robert Francis Kennedy was once an Attorney General of USA. He later becomes a senator. He would have become the president of USA but for another tragedy on the family on June 5th 1965, a Palestinian, Sirhan Bishara Sirhan stabbed Robert F. Kennedy to death.

Þ Joseph Kennedy senior had a massive stroke that paralyzed him in 1963. He remained paralyzed and unable to speak until he died in 1969.

Þ Air crash nearly claimed the life of Edward (Ted) M. Kennedy the youngest of the Kennedy brothers, in June 1964. His aids, Edward Moss died in the crash.

Þ The grand Children of the Kennedy have also been victims of tragedies. Senator Edward Kennedy’s son, Edward Jnr, had to have his right leg amputated for cancer in 1973.

Þ In the same year (1973), Joe Kennedy, eldest son of Robert Kennedy, was the driver of an overloaded jeep, which over turned on Nantucket Island and resulted in paralyzing his friend, Pamela Kelley, from waist down.

Þ In 1984, David Kennedy, another son of Robert Kennedy died of a drug overdose in a hotel near the family holiday home in Palm Beech, Florida. He was only 28 when he died!

Þ In 1986, while still a teenager, Patrick the son of Senator Edward Kennedy underwent treatment for cocaine addition.

Þ In December 1997, Michael Kennedy, another son of Robert Kennedy, was killed in a skinning accident at Aspen Colorado, at the age a2 36.

Þ On Friday July 16, 1999, John F Kennedy Jnr, the only son of the late president John F. Kennedy died in a fatal air crash with his wife Carolyn Kennedy. JFK died at the age of thirty-eight. His handsome princely face was on the cover of NEWSWEEK International Magazine of on July 26, 1999. A special report on the family was titled: “AGAIN: A KENNEDY FAMILY TRAGEDY”, The magazine reporter declared on page 32 or that edition, ''A curse seems to hunt the (Kennedy’s)family, a black cloud that has brought on them a remarkable string of Kennedy tragedies for more than half a century.''

There are times in life when even the most conservative person will agree that certain events are more than a mere coincidence.

Constant tragedies in a family are far from being incidental occurrence.

What of a family close to you?

What about your own ?

...................................................................................................................................

Take time to pray for your family... It is worth doing!!!

I Care for You,

Edward Freedom

http://health2living.blogspot.com

AMERICA AND HER PRESIDENTIAL CURSE!!!

There is a mystery in the life of US presidents elected in the year ending with “O”.

Would it have been a coincidence or a curse in the much esteemed “GOD’S OWN

COUNTRY” the United States of America? Let’s take a look:

1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (assassinated)
1880: James Agarfield (assassinated)
1900: William Mckinley (assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (died in office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (survived assassination)
2000: Gorge W. Bush (survived terrorist attack)

It is of a worthy note that all this tragedy occurred at the end of every twenty

years in America presidency history.

Baffled? Then hold your breath and consider this coincidence.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to congress in 1846, while John F. Kennedy in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected president of US. In 1860, while John F. Kennedy in

1960.

Both were civil right activist.

Both lost their children while still in White House.

Both were shot on a Friday and on the head.

Things got really amazing here:

Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy; Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by southerners.

Both were succeeded by southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson who succeeded Lincoln was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson who

succeeded Kennedy was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839, Lee Harvey

Osward, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names, composed of fifteen letters each

and both assassins were assassinated before their trials.

Lincoln was shot at the theatre named “FORD”, Kennedy was shot in car called

‘LINCOLN’ made by FORD. A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe,

Maryland, A week before Kennedy was shot, and he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Even our historians still marveled at this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PRAY FOR THE PEACE OF YOUR COUNTRY... FOR IN HER PEACE YOU SHALL HAVE PEACE ALSO!!!
Your Friend,
Edward Freedom
http://health2living.blogspot.com