Can you ask a man out on a date?

WITH civilisation and the challenges of the new centuries, a lot of things are changing. Gradually some of our esteemed cultural beliefs are being eroded and replaced by foreign ones.

Ordinarily in an average African set-up, women are supposed to be seen and not heard in virtually every aspect of life. But today a lot of things have changed, despite these changes, however, there are some things an average African woman is supposed to be silent about.

And one of such issues is sex. A majority of African women cannot express their sexuality as their spouses will see them as being too forward or wayward. In Africa, a woman can’t ask her husband for sex neither can she deny or express the way she feels to her husband.

Some people may feel this is not so, but how many men will feel comfortable if their wives told them they feel like having sex or choosing a particular sex style.

Debbie and Kay work in the same establishment. Their tables are quite close to each other. Both of them are singles and searching; and it is a common joke in the office that they are a couple.

Kay is on the shy side while Debbie is very outgoing. One day, she asked Kay out on a dinner date. He was shocked; he couldn’t give her an answer immediately. He asked Debbie to give him some time. Debbie’s request was quite strange to Kay and he stepped out of the office to inform another friend of his on the telephone.

His friend advised him to play along. While he was speaking with his friend, another colleague of theirs overheard his conversation and told Debbie about it. Of course, Debbie cancelled the date. Kay did not know why; and she became withdrawn from Kay. Although she refused to tell him why, but Debbie confided in another colleague that she felt disappointed in Kay as she had no hidden agenda about the date.

The question remains, was Debbie wrong to have asked Kay out? Would you ask a guy out on a date. Readers react:

Bukola Farunkanmi: This is a tough question, but honestly there is nothing wrong with you asking a man out on a date. It all depends on the type of relationship you share with the guy. But as a lady, you have to be careful as the guy might interpret your invitation to be something else.

Bimbola ’Laditi: I see nothing wrong with you inviting a man out on a date. He could be a client, friend or colleague. But you must define the kind of date. A majority of our men don’t know when to draw the line or how to draw the line between a relationship and platonic friendship.

Most people don’t know or they refuse to believe that a man and a woman can be only friends. The moment they see a man and a woman together they believe they must be sleeping together. So it is with some men. If a woman invites them out on an innocent date, they believe it must end up in the bed.

The other aspect is that, as a human being you must have the liberty to express your feelings and your mind. If you admire a man, there is nothing wrong with you expressing the way you feel, but our culture and environment do not permit such. If you do, the man himself will run away from you as he would feel you are the wayward type.

Kemi Eluyemi: I can’t ask a man out on a date. Why would I? This is because he would misunderstand me. Nigerian men are very funny. Even if I admire him, there is nothing wrong in waiting for him to ask me out.

If you ask him out, you are making yourself vulnerable to him and how are you sure he won’t tell all his friends? You then become an object of ridicule and he eventually will become full of himself.

Bisi Fadeyibi: A woman has every right like a man to do whatever she feels like. There is no big deal in inviting a man out on a date; but our society does not permit such.

I can do so, but that will depend on my relationship with the guy. If we are not close or we are not friends before I won’t do so. Moreso, some men assume too much of themselves. When you ask a man out, he may feel it is because he is very special and he may start to misbehave. Our society even does not permit it, so why bother?

Yinka Adeniran: Whatever action you want to take, you must put your immediate environment into consideration.

Actually, there is nothing wrong in you inviting a male friend out on a date or actually telling him you admire him; but the society will frown on it. The man himself would think otherwise about you, so why do you have to bother yourself unnecessarily?